AA - not for quitters!

You know how there's always a stigma to things in life? How people get preconceived ideas toward things they know nothing about?

Well, one has been snuffed out in my family this week.

Steven started going to AA (yep, alcoholics anonymous) on Monday. After a couple weeks of fighting and stress, I think it finally hit when things got really bad this last weekend. I couldn't do it anymore so I left him at a birthday party...where he and a friend decided it was time to do the sober thing together.

AA has always been considered for "quitters" in a lot of people's eyes. Acceptance really is the first step in this whole thing. Not necessarily acceptance that you have a problem (which is the obvious first step in the program), but rather acceptance that it's okay to be someone that goes to AA...it's okay to give up on social pressures...it's all okay!

I can already see changes in him. I see the parts of Steven that I love dearly surfacing and growing. He has stated that he's learning a lot about himself and I honestly can't wait to see the result after even just a month.

I, too, am living the sober life. I should have been a long time ago. February 2009 I got a DUI and that should have stopped me right there. But it didn't.

Really, what did stop me, was getting pregnant. I realized that this little sacrifice in my world will bring so much more happiness to Marlee's life! She doesn't need to be around it...she can discover it one day and we can help her through it, but she doesn't need to see the terrible effects first-hand. What kind of childhood would that be?!

The end of 2008, I did recognize addictive tendancies in myself with my social life. I wanted to be out drinking all the time! So, I stopped that right there. I was sober for 6 weeks until I met Steven.

That sounds terrible. It's not his fault I started drinking again; it's my own. I'm just glad I have had the ability since to stop myself.

Okay, to wrap this around into a complete post; some people can't just stop with their own free will. That's okay though!! It's perfectly acceptable and admirable to ask for help. To seek peers who know exactly what you're going through.

I admire Steven.

Wandering mind on a Wednesday...

I weighed myself this morning so that I could report back!

Starting weight: 193
Today: 190.4

I like those numbers! :) Not as good as the 188 I once saw on the scale not too long ago! But hopefully soon I'll see it again! (And then let it pass by...haha)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This morning we had our "interview" with the food assistance office. The lady was super nice which helped to fix my anxiety about the whole thing. Everyone had given me horror stories about being denied and the things I needed to have for proof of citizenship...blah blah blah! So, needless to say, I haven't slept very well since Friday!

Today, she told us that there's no reason she can see that we would be denied!! **Insert excited face** And that we should know our benefits in the next couple days (at which point we can go get food...nom nom nom)!

Thank goodness!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm kind of freaking out lately. I don't know if it's warranted, but I really don't want this all to come back! I've been itchy...

For those of you that have known me for a while or have read my blog for a few years know what I'm talking about. But for those who are like, "OMG, this girl is itchy?! WTF does that mean?!". I was diagnosed with Chronic Urticaria (hives) before I was pregnant. I basically was having histamine reactions in my body for no reason! HA, fun, right?! No, not at all.

Well, lately, my hands have been getting little spots on them and my legs are kind of itchy here and there. Pregnancy puts it all in remission because of the boost in hormones (dont know how that quite works but it does) and I've prayed that it would just stay in remission...

I still pray for it to stay away...

I hated the sleepless nights...the zombie feelings because I was on so many different antihistamines...the constant itching that tested my sanity...the funny looks from people cause I was covered in hives...the watching what I eat so its not triggered...etc.

Please, PLEASE, let it stay away...

Tuesday Torture!

Ok, I almost forgot....but, to be honest, I've been very forgetful lately...I have no idea what is wrong with me!

Like this morning, I put on foundation (thankfully) then got Marlee dressed while Steven took a shower and I completely forgot to put mascara on!!! ME...forgot mascara!!! I never leave the house without it!!! The other night I put it on just to go to the RedBox!!! But, here I am at work with what look like tiny little lashes because the ends of my lashes are blonde....oi...

But anyways!!! Today is "Tuesday Torture" (as I'm going to coin it) because I have to put up my measurements and weight! In the light of my brain disappearing today, I didn't step on the scale but I can certainly do my measurements right now.

I have to admit, I didn't eat very well. At least, not like I want to! :( And I definitely didn't workout...but I suppose we'll see if breastfeeding magically helped me out this week!

Here's last weeks:

Starting weight: 193
Neck: 13.5
Chest: 43
Waist: 41
Hips: 49
Thighs: 28
Arms: 13.5

Here's todays:

Weight: ???
Neck: 13.5
Chest: 43
Waist: 38
Hips: 48.5
Thighs: 27
Arms: 13

Ha! The breastfeeding and sweating my tushy off worked this week!!!! Down....hmm....5 inches?! I swear I'm measuring in the same places too!!! I bet I was bloated before....

Football helmets, hats, books, and movies galor....

So, I'm fiending...like seriously jonesin'...for some decor! My house is a hodgepodge of everything that we own just stuffed where it'll fit. (Comes with living in such a small space - 420 square feet). Hence the title of this blog...

I get daily e-mails from etsy.com and sometimes they're decor oriented. Honestly, I'm amazed at how clever people are out there! I want far too many things when I look through these e-mails!!

Not to mention, the wonderful blogs Ruby writes about decor and well, her and I have a kinship so it makes me want to be wandering through stores with her!

*sigh* Sadly, I'm stuck. Probably for another year. I have no ability to decorate....

Unless...hmmm....unless I decide to go crazy and get rid of stuff!!!!

BUT...if I get rid of stuff, then we won't have anything to fill a normal sized space with!!!

Oi...HELP...I don't know what to do!

Well, Wing Wednesday was a bust! Turns out, they don't like to give new-non-drinkers special treatment in getting food instead of drinks...whatever! It just kind of ruined my night...but hey, there's always another time!

I've got quite a few pictures I want to share...and not much to say...so, here ya go:

Cute little toes...

Look Mom! I can hold my head up! :)

She's a pro at sucking on her hands! I was a thumb-sucker...wouldn't put it past her!

Marlee has Daddy's ears...

Drunken smiles, anyone!?

Maybe just silly squinty ones...

But my favorite smiles are open-mouthed and fun!

Wing Wednesday!

So, I really have no money. Absolutely none...

We tend to live to the very last penny from each paycheck. It's okay. After living this way for a few years now, you kind of get used to it all.

Well, in light of that, we've been kind of at a loss for food to eat for dinner lately. Last night, I mixed garbonzo and pinto beans with some green chili, garlic pepper, and salt. I then would eat a bite of those and follow it with a bite of tortilla with butter. Simple...tasty...cheap! Ha!

Okay, so now you're wondering why in the halibut I'm telling you about this...right? RIGHT.

I'm telling you this because tonight...oh glorious tonight...we're going to have wings! :)

Steven endulged in some poker last night and taking 2nd place he was given a $20 bar tab. Well, being the technical first day of our "new year" (see yesterdays posts), he has given up drinking and a bar tab just won't do! Lucky for us, this bar is attached to the Wing Shack! YUMMY!

WING WEDNESDAY is upon us!!! Wings and movies is on the agenda and I can't even express how utterly excited I am!!! Not only for delicious wings, but also for family time just sittin' back watching movies in a semi-clean house! WAAAHOOOOO!!!!

Ahhh..I'm a dork, I know!

Today is the day...

I've deemed today RESOLUTION TUESDAY!

Why not?! I've now found the third person who has magically decided today is worth making new strides in life! And, ironically, none of us knew the others were thinking the same thing! Hence naming today what I have!

So, in the spirit of Post #2 for the day...I'm going to throw off the mask and embarrass myself!

Here are my starting measurements for my new HEALTHY LIFESTYLE...lets see where it takes me! (I'm also feeling this out as support for a dear friend who is person #3 joining in Resolution Tuesday)

NECK: 13.5

CHEST: 43 (I am breastfeeding so they're going to run large)
WAIST: 41

HIPS: 49 (Ahhh...baby fat and my worst area anyways)

THIGHS: 28 (Let it be known, I am measuring at the fattest points)

ARMS: 13.5 (Umm..my neck and arms are the same...that doesn't seem good!)

STARTING WEIGHT: 193

I don't have a terribly recent picture. But here's one that is about a month old and I've lost a few more pounds since then but it's relatively fitting! (You can't see my whole body..but we get the point)

Happy New...July?

Do you ever have those moments of resolution where things just seem like they have to fall into place?? Like there's no way tomorrow is going to be bad...no chance, no how!

Today, is one of those moments. Steven is texting me with smiles interlaced in his words. Our Bug is behaving herself today and not being a terror of a 6 week old. (Okay, really Mom how much of a terror can a 6 week old be?? She doesn't ask for much!) And I'm here at work feeling fairly confident about my self-image (always a plus).

Today has become like my New Years. I want to throw my hands up and scream HAPPY NEW YEAR to whomever graces my presence. But, alas, I'll keep that to myself...don't need people thinking I'm crazier than they already do!

So, that being said, it's time for New Year's resolutions!! (Maybe it being July, I can actually stick with them...less pressure, right?)

1. I must remember that life really isn't that bad despite the onslaught of drama that we keep running into!
2. I will take happy photographs every day (I really have this passion that I have no idea how to capture right now...too much creative juice flowing)
3. I plan to begin my exercise regimen once I see the doctor on Thursday (Yes, cliche...I know)

Three...three's enough (for now)! I don't need to overwhelm myself...

I suppose I should elaborate a little for good measure.

One comes from the fact that I'm going to have to find a way to afford my license and interlock because Steven will surely be losing his very, very soon. (Why? I know you're asking that!) Because he sadly recieved a DUI on Thursday! Court is August 31st...and I guess we'll see how that goes!

Two stems from my genetic make-up. Okay, so I "blame" it on that, but in all honesty, I just love photographs. My grandpa and uncle are both professionals..and I love their work (see paulmoloney.net and kevinmoloney.com) but it's time to have my own out there!

Three is there for obvious reasons. Having just had my Little Miss (the newest name I've been calling her), I have about an extra 12 lbs before my pre-pregnancy weight to go and then I would like to just lose a bit more. I want to focus on a number but in the same respect, I don't. I think it would just make it worse for me! Sooo...I'm going to focus on a healthy lifestyle. (That's the key isn't it?) And maybe I should bombard my own blog with daily updates on my progress...I promise it won't turn into a weight-loss blog, but it'll rather be incorporated into my daily life! (Like it should be anyways).

Soooo..all said and done, let DAY 1 be today and let time only tell if July is a better time to make New Year's resolutions or not!

Birthdays...

Today is my dear Steven's 32nd birthday. (Also, my 24 1/2 birthday...yes we're 7 1/2 years apart to the day)

I'm not sure how he really feels about it. The days leading up he kept talking like he was willing to forget he's 32 years old, but then this morning he seemed rather happy. He left to lend a hand to a friend giving me sweet kisses, Marlee-bug a kiss on the forehead, and, because he was in a goofy mood and she was eating, a kiss on my bare boob saying "give me some boob too" to Marlee! (Yes, I know that's what you really wanted to know..ha)

Alas, since December 2008 I have loved this "old man". He's honestly one of my favorite people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Steven is brilliant but doesn't let too many people know that. He's strong; both physically and emotionally. (Which helps balance out my emotional distraught most days.) He's handsome in that rugged but refined way. He's my best friend, my lover, my number one fan, and the absolute best father to my daughter! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!

Smiles...

Who doesn't love a big, toothless, utterly-can't-believe-life-is-so-good smile?!

I love Marlee's grins! No matter how bad of a day you'd been having, she smiles at me and I'm transformed! I'm shot into a world where nothing is wrong, where colors are brighter, and songs are prettier! I can't imagine a place so perfect like being in front of her face while she smiles!

There's open-wide smiles where her mouth opens wide and she gets a sparkle in her eye...

There's simple grins that make you wonder if she has a happy thought or just a little gas...

Then, there's my favorite! When Marlee is starting to fall asleep and it's like she's reached a state of zen. Her calm, comfortable expression is broken by a sudden curl of the side of her mouth; a perfect smirk. Watching her fall asleep is my favorite...I should count the smiles!

The other day I was home alone with her and needing some happiness. I popped in a Nora Jones CD to listen and sing to. Marlee and I were sitting on the bed and I was singing #4 on the CD (apparently her new favorite cause this happened later when I showed Steven)...and she cracked this look, just for me:




It's a mobile photo....so sorry for the quality!

First Holiday...

Marlee slept through a majority of her first holiday weekend events! July 3rd we enjoyed a rodeo at the Greeley Stampede. At the beginning she was awake...



Some quality bullriding...Note: it has been 8 seconds...he can get off the bull already!!! HA!

Some crazy bronc-riding... Regardless of the fact the rider looks as though he's barely hanging on, he did continue to ride.

The world famous rodeo personality (of course I don't remember his name), did a skit involving a horse and a little cowboy!!! I couldn't help but fall in love with it! :)

I wish I would have taken some shots of the mutton-bustin'! Believe me, in 5 years Marlee will be hanging on for dear life to the back of a sheep as it runs across the arena!!! It's not child abuse, I promise...just good, ole-fashioned country entertainment!!! Not to mention, she could win some really cool Justin boots! :)

On July 4th, Marlee's one month birthday and her very first holiday, we ended up sleeping most of the day but when we did head to my parent's and then to a friend's house, she wore this cute little number from her Great-aunt Jackie! I just dig the tongue action! She's such a dork!

Adventures...

I'm still failing to post pictures and what not from the holiday weekend...SORRY...

Reading my dear friend Ruby's blog: http://ruby-rubymusings.blogspot.com/ , her and her husband like to take pleasure in small adventures on his days off. I'm envious.

There are very few places around here that I haven't seen. Growing up, my mother loved to go for drives and we always took family vacations. Also, living in a small town, we were always keen on the other small towns in our area too. So, again, there are few places I haven't seen.

I wish we would take small adventures like she does. Even if we took a trip out to the edge of the prarie and played in the tall grass and wind... Hmmm..sounds like a few photo-ops to me!!!

Anyways...I guess maybe one day we will...

In the meantime, check out Ruby's blog and enjoy her adventures! :)

Lack-o-sleep...

I do have a plethora of pictures to post from the holiday weekend...but I'm slacking! I'll get to it!

In the meantime, I just want to vent...

Last night was terrible! Sure, I'm used to the waking up at Marlee's cries and feeding her and then going back to sleep. No big deal. But last night, a whole other story!!!

I'd hear her cry...wake up...feed her...then have her wiggle and fuss while I was trying to get her to sleep. I'd attempt for at least 45 minutes and then wake up Steven. He, of course, is not a happy-camper when woken up! So, I've got a fussy baby and a fussy boyfriend!!! UGH!

This happened twice...

The real kicker: once Marlee was in Steven's arms, she went right to sleep... Seriously, are you kidding me?!

Nothing like making your mom feel like she doesn't matter...already...poo...

Happy 4 weeks Marlee!

Today, Marlee is 4 weeks old! Doesn't seem like much to me! I feel like she's been in our lives for much, much longer!

She's the most amazing person that has ever entered into my life. I can't thank God enough for granting me the chance to be a mother!

I love the way Marlee stares at pictures and lights like they're the most magnificent creations imaginable! I love the way she gets so mad that she just makes a slight scream instead of yelling at the top of her lungs. I love the way she lets her arm dangle above her head when she's eating and just twirls her hair in her hands. I love her little red button nose, her curious eyes, her long monkey toes, everything...

Come July 4th, it will be her official 1-month birthday and what a day to have it! I'm so excited to see her dressed in RED WHITE AND BLUE with her wiggling arms and legs enjoying the holiday with us!

Tomorrow, we're going to introduce Marlee to the wonders of Stampede Rodeo! I have a feeling she'll sleep through the whole darn thing but you better believe I'll have my camera with me! :)