Thursday, December 31, 2009

So, yeah, I haven't posted for over a week now...and it's mainly cause I'm so stressed and upset these days that I just don't want to expend that upon other people!

I've decided that I hate being pregnant...I just don't feel like me bugs me...

Life never seems to go up for us anymore..I guess I should just stop expecting it to...

Tonight, we're supposed to hit a couple house parties/get-togethers and then a kegger at our favorite bar..but I'm really not feeling up to it anymore...I guess we'll see how well I can get "dolled up" tonight and maybe that'll lift my spirits!


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Flow, Tow, Snow, and Mo'

First off, Erica inquired about Steven's job in a comment on my last post...reply: He passed through their background check and is taking the polygraph next Wednesday. After that, they'll do a drug test and physical and the academy starts the beginning of February!!! So, basically, yes he has the job so's just a long, long waiting game!

Next, last night we got our truck towed from what we thought was a proper visitor's parking area at Steven's mom's apartments. It took an hour to find the security guard at the apartments only to have him treat us like we were pieces of poo!!! My parents had to be there in order to pay the money to get the truck from impound...and we just kind of went rounds with them. I really don't want to get into it because I'm frustrated beyond words!

Third, It's SNOWING...and not just "la-la-la-there's flakes"...but like "BAM! Have 6 inches overnight!" snowing...I LOVE IT! :) I was kind of feeling bummed that we wouldn't have a great, white Christmas and then it happened....beautiful....*sigh*

Numero quatro, I'm attempting to take a new picture of my belly while I'm here at work so I can's proving a little difficult without a mirror...but I'm determined!!!!!! AH-HA...GOT ONE!

Here ya go (the one from earlier and today's!):

There's not a HUGE difference...but it seems....rounder...and higher up! Guess we'll see how it changes in the next couple weeks!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Please get here Christmas!!!

So, honestly, truly, I could really use a warm, cuddly holiday like Christmas right now!!! Luckily, I'm having these feelings with it just around the corner!!

I guess the whole mix of economy, hormones, and stress is getting to me...Anyone else???

I think I'll go eat a candy cane now...

Friday, December 18, 2009



Thursday, December 17, 2009

Mini-vacation, doctors, and feelings of inadequacy...

Well, my little mini-vacation was awesome!!! It was sooooo nice to be at home! I really, really, REALLY loved so much that (I can't believe I'm going to say this) I would love to be a stay at home mom!!! I'd probably keep my job and just work the minimum hours needed to get the work done (like 3 hours a day) so that I can keep my sanity and have some fun money! But, honestly, my house looks amazing...I feel much more rested...and I just feel more complete when I'm given time to be at home.

My doctor's appointment went well! Sarah went with me and she was soooo excited the whole time, it was really cute! They weighed me and somehow in all my french fry fiending I've lost 3 lbs! The doctor said she wasn't too concerned about it because I don't need to gain but around 15 lbs...but as long as it doesn't continue to go that way! I know I don't eat enough food as it is...and I'm trying to increase that! But also, I thought of this afterwards, I'm not as constipated as I once I think that has A LOT to do with it! :) Anywho, we then got to hear the heartbeat again (Sarah's favorite part) and it was around 146...slowing even more than last month!!! Which, according the wives tales, means it's probably a boy! My next appointment is Jan 12 and hopefully we'll schedule the ultrasound to find the gender at that point!

Now...lastly, its kind of a touchy subject in my relationship, but it has been on my mind alllll day today! Steven loves me...for me...etc. I don't doubt that. But now that I'm pregnant he seems to compare me to his ex-wife a lot! I understand that's his only experience with the whole thing and of course there's going to be some comparisons...but the way he tells me things always makes me feel like I have to be just like her! I know I'm cranking and bitchy and all-together not a nice person to him a lot of the time..and he always reminds me that he told me that I won't be able to be comfortable sleeping, that I won't be happy at all for a few more weeks, etc.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm not her..and I really don't want to be her...I want to be me...and I want the chance to be me and be pregnant without feeling like I need to be as strong as she was...or as nice as she was...blah blah blah. I don't really know how to tell Steven this sort of thing...I know he means well, he really really does...but it hurts my feelings a lot because I want to feel like I'm going through this the first time just the way I'm supposed to. Not feel like I I'm not allowed to be the way I am because she wasn't...

Now I'm just being redundant...whatever...

Monday, December 14, 2009

Le bump, days off, scared...

Ha, there I go again, laundry list....

So, I said that I was forgetful the other day and didn't snap a shot of my baby bump...but I have one now. I'm going to do a pic from my photoshoot in August for comparison because otherwise I'm not sure you can tell a difference...oh and forgive the fact that I, again, had a pregnancy brain moment and wore a black shirt with my dark shower curtain behind and yada-yada-yada..the photo is just crap to me! :)

I'm not really sure if you can tell a difference...but BELIEVE's bigger! And I think it's bigger since I took that last shot...but we'll give it another few days before I put up another!
So, tomorrow I have a prenatal appointment...not really sure what they're going to do besides the normal check ups. Sarah is going with me because she wants to hear the heartbeat! :) She's so excited about's funny! Then after that, I have the whole day off of work and Wednesday too!!! You have no idea how excited I am about this!!! Not to mention, I still had one more day to kill before the end of the year so I took the Monday after Christmas off giving me a wonderful, well-deserved 4 day weekend!!! WHEW!
Now, I have to say that my "scared" status is kind of hand in hand with my "excited" state too. Steven is going through that whole interview/testing process to become a corrections officer at the county jail. His test went well a couple weeks back and today he had his phone interview. He called telling me that it went amazing and that he got a 98 on it and they told him he's exactly what they're looking for!!! WONDERFUL! But....I guess I'm scared because we did put a lot on the school job a few months back and it seemed "in the bag"...but wasn't. And now, we're kind of banking on this job working out...but what if it doesn't??? I mean, we won't be worse off than we already are..but I'm so ready for someone to take care of me for help me really get my life in order once again!
I'm so tired of ignoring phone calls, making minimum payments that don't even take care of the interest, of stressing myself out and losing sleep...I'm just tired...
But anywho...I'll see ya back here in a couple days!

Christmas Questions...

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa just leaves them in our stockings

3. Colored lights on the tree/house or white.
White or blue

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope..maybe I should

5. When do you put up your decorations? Usually the beginning of December...but I'm slacking this year, because we've been rearranging the whole house!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Pasole on Christmas Eve

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Waking my brother up or vice versa so we could go to the stockings together! Then waking up my parents after we'd snooped a bit!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm not really sure...I think I just had the suspicion and went with it...

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas eve? Nope

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? I have a little silver tree that I put bright glass balls on...that's really it!

11. Snow. Love it? or Dread it? Love it!

12. Can you ice skate? Not very well!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Hmm...that's a toughy...

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays to you? Spending time with family

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Pie

16. What tops your tree? Usually an angel

17. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Neither...I'm not much of a gift person

18. What is your favorite Christmas song? Hmm...White Christmas

19. Candy Canes, Yuck or Yum? Pretty much my favorite candy EVER

20. Favorite Christmas Show? White Christmas

21. Saddest Christmas Song? Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

If your reading this, feel free to have a go at it, just leave me a message that you are going to so I can have a peek!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Call backs, nostrils, and naps...

First off, I think it's funny how I generally make my blog titles a laundry list of the things I'm going to talk about...I guess it forewarns everyone of the hub-bub you're about to experience!


Call, at night, I put my phone on "alarm only" because I hate being interrupted in sleep by some obnoxious forward text that really has no bearing to the dream I'm enjoying at that point in time! Well, this morning, in my phone's "alarm only" state we got a phone call..when I looked at the number and saw it was local and not some annoying bill collector reminding me that I'm dirt poor and can't pay my bills..I got a little excited! I listened to the voicemail and got even more excited because it was the Sheriff's office calling to talk to Steven. After his test the other day, they told him that if he makes it through the test they'll call; if he doesn't, they'll e-mail!! Well, a PHONE CALL is a very good sign!!! ANYWHO...I tell Steven and we lay back down. I'm fiddling with my phone when the same number pops I wake him up so he can answer the silly phone call!!! All I can say, is if they called twice in 30 minutes then they must REALLY want him in there! :) WHOOHOO!!!

Now for my stinkin' nostrils...I'm riddled with the wonderful symptom of pregnancy called pregnancy rhinitis! Sounds like I'm making something up, right? Well, I'm not!! The increased blood flow swells the sinuses and makes your nose stuffed the ENTIRE time you're pregnant...Ew, I know!'s like booger city in there and I snore so much more now! Well, to add insult to injury, in the second trimester that increased blood flow becomes nose bleeds and nastiness...sooooo as we speak I'm hawkin' down loogies the size of SUV's and trying not to gag as they slide down my throat! (I'm so not a spitter!) And all I want to do is BREATH normal!!!

Speaking of breathing normal (and this is not on the "laundry list"), since my baby is moving up above my pelvic bone it's taking more room from my other organs..namely, my lungs! I'm in a terrible spot when I walk up the stairs at work now to change the daily server tape! I almost have to stop and take a really deep breath half-way through! So, I think I'll employ those band lung capacity exercises I learned about 8 years ago and try to get my breathing back in order!

Now, this morning, (and yes, I sleep all morning as it is) I was about to take a short 20 minute power nap before getting up to get ready when something woke me from the INSIDE! Okay, it's not that was the baby moving again! I was laying on my right side, which usually I've been on my left through the night (they say it's better), dozing off, when I felt the moved and plumb woke me up like the daylight! When I told Steven that it happened he replied in his overly compassionate state, "Well, get used to it!"...gee, thanks..I don't already know this...haha OH WELL!

Okey...I wish I had something to show a belly pic...which I'd plan to do..but in my lack of brain cells due to "pregnancy brain" (not making it up either, many women claim it happens) I forgot to stand my chubby butt up in front of the mirror to take a picture!!! So, about a cute one of Hercules asleep with his paws over his nose!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

One year...

So, one year ago, on a Decemember Monday night, I was enjoying a round of karaoke at one of my favorite singing spots close to home. I was socializing with the people I'd met over the past couple months through singing and ended up having to "save" a boy.

Well, this saving took place like this:

  • Saw fairly attractive boy being stalked by CRAZY nasty girl

  • My friend and I decided to go talk to him to make CRAZY girl jealous (insert evil laugh)

  • He tells us that she's throwing herself all over him and he hates it

  • Asks to be "saved"

  • So we hang on him...until she leaves...

  • My friend decides whatever, I'm moving on to talk to other people now

  • I start to talk to boy....we talk...

  • He uses this pick up line: "so, you got a number?"

  • I reply, "What???"

  • He says, "oh I see how it is..."

  • I say, "No, really it's loud in here what did you say? Did you ask if I have a number?"

  • End up giving him my number...and a ride my house...haha

Well, that night he learned my name...Kendra Payne...easy enough (well, I'm used to it!). The next morning, all he could remember was "Payne" because he liked it so much (figures, he's a football player and a cage fighter...why wouldn't he like that?!). I made fun of him, reminded him of my first name, and drove him home before I went to work.

Fast forward a year later, we live together...have a dog...and I'm pregnant with his child. Funny how things work! :)

Okay, on other news, I REALLY, FOR SURE felt the baby last night when I was in a warm bath!!! :) Now, TMI really, but I had gas...and I was laying there, would pass gas, knowing how that felt...but then I would move a little and then I'd feel what I would normally think is just another gas bubble on it's way through my intestines or bowels and then nothing would happen! I started to pay attention to the differences in order to decipher...and I realized that the bubbles were a little higher and nothing "exploded" afterwards!!! :) OOOOHHHH BABY!!!

Here's where we are in development:

Thursday, December 3, 2009


Ok, here's where y'all get to put in your two cents...

Here's my pregnancy symptoms thus far:
  • slight morning sickness for 3-4 weeks
  • gained 6lbs so far
  • tons of lower back/sciatic pain already
  • had one girl dream and the rest have been boy
  • very very tired
  • nails growing fast and are much stronger
  • skin was a little bad at first but is now fairly clear
  • no outrageous cravings...just normal things like french fries, ice cream, taco bell, sub sandwiches (and not all together!)
  • repulsed by onions and chicken

As far as the medical things go:

  • heart rate was at 160 then slowed to 152
  • moves a lot - kicking, waving
  • blood pressure and everything is normal for me judging by that, or even just by the two ultrasounds I've got, what do you predict the gender will be!?!?!??!?! Give me your explanation too ;)

(First one is at 8 weeks, second is at 9 wks 4 days...I'm now 14 weeks 3 days)

Bald heads, Christmas wishes, Baby pains, and more...

This a LONG post...fair if you don't want to read it...well, then POO on you...if you care to spend a portion of your time with me...then THANKS! (it really doesn't matter either way..just so you know)

ANYWHO...I promised a while back to post a picture dealing with Steven's bald head...well, here ya go!

Sooo, which do you like better??? HAIR OR NO HAIR???
Next, I've never really been one to actually WISH for something at Christmas time. I was always thankful for the things that I'd gotten over the year and didn't fiend for much when it came down to the holiday season. Well, this year, I think it's a bit different!!! I'm really, okay like REALLY, wanting a digital camera. I've had two...both died...and I'm not talking like some cheap whatever camera (which I'd be happy with too) but like a NIKON D60 camera...something that I could really, really use for a while and capture some great images!
Third, I've been having terrible pains in my tummy as the round ligaments and my uterus stretches and grows...really just not pleasant at all!!! It's like sharp pains...and then, I don't even know how to explain it! I just hope it calms down soon...knowing my luck this baby will be HUGE and I'm just going to hurt allllll the time! Steven's first two kids were 9 and 10lb I'm pretty scared!!! (Granted their mom is much taller than I am!)
Another thing about baby, I'm wondering if I'm definitely turning into my mom when she was pregnant. All her pain was in her back and hips..and I'm feeling like I've got 20 extra pounds to carry around just on my lower back. It hurts a lot..and, of course, I get the words from Steven that I just need to be tough and that his ex never complained like I do...well, gee, did he stop to think we might be completely different people with completely different experiences?!?!?! Hmm..that would just make too much sense!!! WHATEVER...just one of those days...
Lets see, I think on the next post I'm going to do a blog poll on what people think the gender of my baby is going to be!!! We'll be finding out after the new year more than likely, but I'm curious to see what people are thinking with all the symptoms and what not I've been having! :)