So, yeah, I haven't posted for over a week now...and it's mainly cause I'm so stressed and upset these days that I just don't want to expend that upon other people!

I've decided that I hate being pregnant...I just don't feel like me anymore...it bugs me...

Life never seems to go up for us anymore..I guess I should just stop expecting it to...

Tonight, we're supposed to hit a couple house parties/get-togethers and then a kegger at our favorite bar..but I'm really not feeling up to it anymore...I guess we'll see how well I can get "dolled up" tonight and maybe that'll lift my spirits!

HOPE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A FUN NEW YEAR!!! BE SAFE! :)

Flow, Tow, Snow, and Mo'

First off, Erica inquired about Steven's job in a comment on my last post...reply: He passed through their background check and is taking the polygraph next Wednesday. After that, they'll do a drug test and physical and the academy starts the beginning of February!!! So, basically, yes he has the job so far...it's just a long, long waiting game!




Next, last night we got our truck towed from what we thought was a proper visitor's parking area at Steven's mom's apartments. It took an hour to find the security guard at the apartments only to have him treat us like we were pieces of poo!!! My parents had to be there in order to pay the money to get the truck from impound...and we just kind of went rounds with them. I really don't want to get into it because I'm frustrated beyond words!




Third, It's SNOWING...and not just "la-la-la-there's flakes"...but like "BAM! Have 6 inches overnight!" snowing...I LOVE IT! :) I was kind of feeling bummed that we wouldn't have a great, white Christmas and then it happened....beautiful....*sigh*




Numero quatro, I'm attempting to take a new picture of my belly while I'm here at work so I can post...it's proving a little difficult without a mirror...but I'm determined!!!!!! AH-HA...GOT ONE!




Here ya go (the one from earlier and today's!):

There's not a HUGE difference...but it seems....rounder...and higher up! Guess we'll see how it changes in the next couple weeks!

Please get here Christmas!!!

So, honestly, truly, I could really use a warm, cuddly holiday like Christmas right now!!! Luckily, I'm having these feelings with it just around the corner!!

I guess the whole mix of economy, hormones, and stress is getting to me...Anyone else???

I think I'll go eat a candy cane now...

AHHHHHH!!!!

I FEEL LIKE AN EFFIN' LEPER!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE THE PREGNANT GIRL THAT CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!!

Mini-vacation, doctors, and feelings of inadequacy...

Well, my little mini-vacation was awesome!!! It was sooooo nice to be at home! I really, really, REALLY loved it...like so much that (I can't believe I'm going to say this) I would love to be a stay at home mom!!! I'd probably keep my job and just work the minimum hours needed to get the work done (like 3 hours a day) so that I can keep my sanity and have some fun money! But, honestly, my house looks amazing...I feel much more rested...and I just feel more complete when I'm given time to be at home.

My doctor's appointment went well! Sarah went with me and she was soooo excited the whole time, it was really cute! They weighed me and somehow in all my french fry fiending I've lost 3 lbs! The doctor said she wasn't too concerned about it because I don't need to gain but around 15 lbs...but as long as it doesn't continue to go that way! I know I don't eat enough food as it is...and I'm trying to increase that! But also, I thought of this afterwards, I'm not as constipated as I once was...so I think that has A LOT to do with it! :) Anywho, we then got to hear the heartbeat again (Sarah's favorite part) and it was around 146...slowing even more than last month!!! Which, according the wives tales, means it's probably a boy! My next appointment is Jan 12 and hopefully we'll schedule the ultrasound to find the gender at that point!

Now...lastly, its kind of a touchy subject in my relationship, but it has been on my mind alllll day today! Steven loves me...for me...as me...etc. I don't doubt that. But now that I'm pregnant he seems to compare me to his ex-wife a lot! I understand that's his only experience with the whole thing and of course there's going to be some comparisons...but the way he tells me things always makes me feel like I have to be just like her! I know I'm cranking and bitchy and all-together not a nice person to him a lot of the time..and he always reminds me that he told me that I won't be able to be comfortable sleeping, that I won't be happy at all for a few more weeks, etc.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm not her..and I really don't want to be her...I want to be me...and I want the chance to be me and be pregnant without feeling like I need to be as strong as she was...or as nice as she was...blah blah blah. I don't really know how to tell Steven this sort of thing...I know he means well, he really really does...but it hurts my feelings a lot because I want to feel like I'm going through this the first time just the way I'm supposed to. Not feel like I do..like I'm not allowed to be the way I am because she wasn't...

Now I'm just being redundant...whatever...

Le bump, days off, scared...

Ha, there I go again, laundry list....

So, I said that I was forgetful the other day and didn't snap a shot of my baby bump...but I have one now. I'm going to do a pic from my photoshoot in August for comparison because otherwise I'm not sure you can tell a difference...oh and forgive the fact that I, again, had a pregnancy brain moment and wore a black shirt with my dark shower curtain behind and yada-yada-yada..the photo is just crap to me! :)

I'm not really sure if you can tell a difference...but BELIEVE ME..it's bigger! And I think it's bigger since I took that last shot...but we'll give it another few days before I put up another!

So, tomorrow I have a prenatal appointment...not really sure what they're going to do besides the normal check ups. Sarah is going with me because she wants to hear the heartbeat! :) She's so excited about it...it's funny! Then after that, I have the whole day off of work and Wednesday too!!! You have no idea how excited I am about this!!! Not to mention, I still had one more day to kill before the end of the year so I took the Monday after Christmas off giving me a wonderful, well-deserved 4 day weekend!!! WHEW!

Now, I have to say that my "scared" status is kind of hand in hand with my "excited" state too. Steven is going through that whole interview/testing process to become a corrections officer at the county jail. His test went well a couple weeks back and today he had his phone interview. He called telling me that it went amazing and that he got a 98 on it and they told him he's exactly what they're looking for!!! WONDERFUL! But....I guess I'm scared because we did put a lot on the school job a few months back and it seemed "in the bag"...but wasn't. And now, we're kind of banking on this job working out...but what if it doesn't??? I mean, we won't be worse off than we already are..but I'm so ready for someone to take care of me for once...so help me out...to really get my life in order once again!

I'm so tired of ignoring phone calls, making minimum payments that don't even take care of the interest, of stressing myself out and losing sleep...I'm just tired...

But anywho...I'll see ya back here in a couple days!

Christmas Questions...

1.Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Santa just leaves them in our stockings

3. Colored lights on the tree/house or white.
White or blue

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope..maybe I should

5. When do you put up your decorations? Usually the beginning of December...but I'm slacking this year, because we've been rearranging the whole house!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Pasole on Christmas Eve

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Waking my brother up or vice versa so we could go to the stockings together! Then waking up my parents after we'd snooped a bit!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm not really sure...I think I just had the suspicion and went with it...

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas eve? Nope

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? I have a little silver tree that I put bright glass balls on...that's really it!

11. Snow. Love it? or Dread it? Love it!

12. Can you ice skate? Not very well!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Hmm...that's a toughy...

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays to you? Spending time with family

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Pie

16. What tops your tree? Usually an angel

17. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Neither...I'm not much of a gift person

18. What is your favorite Christmas song? Hmm...White Christmas

19. Candy Canes, Yuck or Yum? Pretty much my favorite candy EVER

20. Favorite Christmas Show? White Christmas

21. Saddest Christmas Song? Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

If your reading this, feel free to have a go at it, just leave me a message that you are going to so I can have a peek!