Where have all the friends gone?

I must admit I'm super, duper, extensively lonely these days. Most of my good friends from growing up have moved to fabulous new places and vacated this crazy area of Northern Colorado. While I don't blame them one bit, I seriously miss them...

I was never seeking to replace the people in my life but over the past year and a half I've kind of lost the good friends I once had and bonded with some people that we'll just call..."bar flies". Call it freedom, call it release of tension, call it whatever, but I was on a binge...a binge from all things logical in my life. Know what this scored me!? A beautiful, stressful DUI, a handful of people that I guess I call "friends" but really are just the people I talk to at the bar, and Steven. Granted, Steven is amazing and I wouldn't trade him for the world, but the other two are just downers without a doubt...

I can't say that I regret meeting the people I have. A few of them are honestly quality folks but the rest are, well, "bar flies"...

Now, as to where this all plays in my life right now is the fact that I'm pregnant and can't drink and can hardly socialize with said people. Making my life consist of...well...Steven. Not a bad thing, really...but he doesn't like shopping, eating ice cream, watching girly movies, nor getting pedicures...so where does that leave me!?

I could really use a ME DAY....a vacation from my real world that I tend to loathe anymore...

What would a ME DAY consist of? Hmm...money pending....a pedicure, then a stroll around some shops doing some window shopping, heading to the bookstore to browse for an hour or so, then watching a terribly girly movie or getting some ice cream. Simple, feasible, right?? HA, I wish...the fact that I don't have a license pretty much restricts me to whatever Steven and I can do together..unless he wants to just drop me off somewhere, but that doesn't seem too glamorous now does it!?

So, I'm at a loss...and am stuck asking myself, "Where have all the friends gone?"

Boobie-suckin'...

So, not gonna lie, I'm kind of weirded out by breastfeeding. Like, I know how beneficial and super wonderful it'll be...but right now, it just sort of bugs me.

Not to the extent that I'm off-put by the whole idea and that I'm not going to do it, cause I DEFINITELY am..as long as I can! It's just...I don't know...odd....looks odd...seems like it'd feel odd...can't hardly picture myself doing it...

Okay, I think I'm just crazy!

I had a breastfeeding class yesterday for WIC and learned a few tidbits I didn't know about the whole process. At first, I had an uncomfortable knot in my stomach when the video started and there were all kinds of boobies in front of us with little babies being pushed toward them...but the more they talked about it and showed different perspectives, the more I got comfortable...

I don't know..again, I think I'm just crazy...

Who says 6 months isn't exciting?!

So, 6 months in many various portions of life isn't terribly exciting..granted there are a few things like maybe now you have insurance from work...or some vacation days to take...or it means that you're not totally driven nuts by the person you claim to be exclusively dating... But aside from all those things, there really isn't much that 6 months can bring ya!

However, I'm in pure bliss knowing that I'm 6 months pregnant...haha. Call me crazy if you will, but for once I'm doing good with this whole thing and looking at the next 16 weeks with anticipation and A LOT of planning...

I really don't know what I should have ready by now but I can tell you that there's absolutely no sign other than my growing belly and an ultrasound picture on the refridgerator that hints we'll have a baby in the house soon!

In the bedroom, which is now the walk-in closet because we decided that moving the bed to the living room was a much more logical solution to the overflowing closets than actually getting rid of some clothes, we have a few things tucked away. Sitting next to Steven's dresser is 4 onesies and one outfit. On top of the dresser is a baby blanket, diaper bag, and the heart monitor...whoop-dee-do!!! My mom has the pack n play at her house (which will be our crib/changing table/bassinet) and we have nothing more...

I feel like we still have time..but I really don't know if it'll sneak up on us and I'll be freaking out during the last month! AHHH...Okay, I'm not really freaking out right now...just worrying myself a bit too much! Ha, figures...

The most amazing things in life...

...are those that warm your heart, bring tears to your eyes, and make you realize the true meaning of life...

That being said, this birth story is honestly the most beautiful, emotional thing I have ever read in my life. I want all that follow to please read it and please pass it on. The world needs to know the love this family has...


Nella Cordelia: Birth Story

OMG!

I'm in love with this belly picture! Definitely not mine...but it would be amazing if I could get one like this!!! It's off of babycenter.com from user name: loveangelina

AMAZING...

So last night we were given yet another glimmer of hope. I'm just wishing that this one would please go through successfully. I'm tired of being kicked in the gut every time we think something is going to work! Steven received a call from a good friend of ours that works in the local school district (well, Greeley's at least) and said they have an opening for campus security at one of the high schools (Greeley West). The guy who runs the program asked our friend specifically if he knew of anyone and he immediately spoke Steven's name. Now, I'm just hoping this happens...a full time job...no weekends...eventually we'll get out of our hole we're in...and Steven will have himself back.

Do you ever notice how badly a person falls apart when they don't work??? Granted, there are those who choose not to work, but for those of us who are self-proclaimed work-a-holics..there's nothing worse than being unemployed! I feel like I'm no longer with the man I love. Yes, he's there, but only in the physical sense. It's like he has no drive to better his life anymore..nothing promoting the happiness he should be feeling...and there's only so much that I can do to help.

My hours get shorter at work every day because we aren't selling the same amount of soda that we used to. Not to mention, they're very close to implamenting this beverage tax that will make our prices go higher and ultimately drop even more sales - GRAND! Now what is our tiny, insignificant Greeley Coca-Cola supposed to do!? We're here mainly because it would be insane to drive from Denver to northeastern Colorado like we do...but how long are they going to consider that as an inconvience??? How long before we're all out of work here???

I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate that our happiness revolves around monetary situations so much. I don't want that. I want to be able to realize that we're together and expecting a gift...a miracle...and that should be the best thing in the world. But somehow, it's just not enough most days...

Ah, the rantings of the stressed and pessimistic...

I'm going to embark on eating something right now...for some reason my glorious stomach is attempting to crawl up my throat at this point in time and just burning the hell out of me. I really just want to lose my cookies and get it over with!!! But alas, I have that strong gag reflex that won't let that happen...

Have a happy weekend!

Ok, this time I'm not lying!! :)

Alrighty folks...start the drumroll because here's what everyone has been waiting for for quite some time...and again, I'm sorry that I've sucked so much lately!!! :)

For comparison's sake! :)

I don't think that much has really happened in the few weeks...except maybe a little rounder and it's moved up a bit. I can tell you that most people are surprised at how big I already am! I know, I know, it's going to probably be a big baby!!! Steven's first two were 8 and 10lbs...so I guess I shouldn't anticipate anything less...

Belly...

Ooookkkkk....camera-CHECK, camera cord-CHECK, drivers out of eyesight so they don't make fun of me-waiting for that....

Oh the joys of working in a man's world!!

Speaking of work, I'm not really looking forward to the awkwardness that will arise probably next week. I know it's no one's fault but sad things have happened to my co-worker and I don't know what to do about it. She was in the process of adopting a little girl who was to be born on Feb 12th. The birthmother backed out of the adoption last Saturday... I have a gut feeling that the resentment she very initially held toward me will resurface.

I don't blame her by any means, that's a very, very tough situation, but what do I do to make things better??? I almost feel like I need to avoid her, wear extra baggy clothes, and just generally forget that I'm pregnant while I'm at work. But that's not really possible...

Okay, now I'm just seriously over it!!! Have my camera and my cord and I'm about to snap a shot...and guess what?! The stinkin' batteries are dead in my camera!!! I give up!!! I'll take one tonight using my cell phone and e-mail it to myself. Oh, and Apryl, I'll send it to Facebook too so that it'll be up there tonight! :)

I guess I'll just leave you with a picture from Baby Center as to what the child is looking like on the inside these days...