Long awaited...

Okay, I think if I start this blog now then by the end of the day I'll have busted out my digital camera and taken a picture of my fun little belly now! It's been 3 weeks since my last one and I'm not sure if it's changed much...but I suppose we'll see....

It's 2:22pm now...lets see how long it'll take me to post it...haha....

Shoot...okay, just kidding, I pulled out my camera and realized that earlier this week when I switched purses I didn't put the camera cord in with everything...poo!

So, there goes that idea...

Hmm...yep...nothing...

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!

Workforce + Workplace = Not a good fit

I just got the biggest disappointment of my life...okay, that's a bit dramatic...I am sitting here eating a yummy PB&J sandwich...and I had also grabbed an orange from my fridge on my way out. Well, I decided to eat said orange...but turns out the sucker is a overly bitter, small grapefruit!!! WTF?!

Oh well...

Anywho...back to well, a normal bloggity-blog topic...

I'm kind of laughing at the job market right now. There are quite a few unemployeed folks out there (my lovely Steven included) that are struggling far too much. We're finding that you're either under-qualified (oops, didn't take those last few courses in college) or over-qualified (gosh, I thought I was just being generous on my resume!). My question is: WHAT THE HECK MAKES YOU "JUST-RIGHT-QUALIFIED"???!!!

There ought to be guidelines posted on every single company window. Like in Europe (and some bigger cities I've noticed) where they post the restaurant menus outside so you can see what kind of joint it is before you even touch the door handle... Is that an unreasonable request?!?! I think, essentially, it would weed out all the people that flood the job postings that think because they've, for instance, looked at a forklift that must mean they can drive one! Right? NOT....

Maybe I'm just utterly bitter at the fact that I no longer have the option to be a stay at home mom and that also means I'll more than likely only get about 2 weeks off once the child is here. I have enough to take roughly 3 weeks off, but my mom wants to take a little trip up to Idaho to take a 5 generation picture and introduce my baby to her great-great-grandma (definitely don't want to miss that!)!! So I'm saving up some days to do that little venture...

I don't want my bitterness to extend elsewhere, but really, what are we doing America?!?! Why aren't things going the way they should?!?! Why am I feeling like this is all a downhill spiral that we'll never recover from...

When 180's happen...

You know when people just snap out of nowhere and bad things happen?? Know how it's so hard to recover from something so scary??? I'm scared right now...

I really shouldn't delve into this too much because it's so super private..but I must say someone super close to me flipped last night and I don't really know what to do...

I don't know how to deal...

There's so many questions...so many "what if?'s"...

I don't know...I'm pretty much alone in my thoughts today and I wish there was a direct, easy answer, but then again, there never is! Tis life!

22 weeks down...

I've reached the 22 weeks point now...it's all starting to feel more real. People have given us little outfits...have really grasped the fact that there's a baby...and I'm CONSTANTLY feeling little kicks when I'm relaxing!

But if I'm going to be completely honest, I have to admit that I'm hating my body so much right now. I don't know if it's the workout bug plaguing me or if I'm just grumpy all around! I don't feel like my stomach is "pregnant" anymore...it's more like its just flabby fat...boo... I'm just hoping that I'll wake up one of these mornings and BAM...there will be a nice round, solid belly!!! Hey, a pregnant girl can dream!

Aside from all that, I do have a million complaints about my life...my finances...my whole being...but what's the point of complaining...really? Nothing is going to change over night (unless miracles really do exist) and I'm not going to really expect too much out of the people that surround me right now. It's not easy to live in this life right now..it's not easy to bring a child into this world..it's not easy to find ways to get to work and eat on a daily basis...but hell, it's the life I've been given...so I guess I should just buck up and deal...

Whoa...Motivation has slapped me in the face!!

OMG...I mean, seriously OH MY GOODNESS...I have this crazy amount of motivation brewing inside of me that I can't hardly stand it!!! Motivation for what, you ask! For EXERCISE...

Sick, I know...I must have bumped my head HARD lately...but no, really, I want to get down to the nitty-gritty...sweat my ass off...feel like I'm going to die...all for the sake of losing a few calories! Holy cow...

Funny thing...I'm chowing down a BIG piece of homemade German Chocolate cake my mom made for my birthday!!! Can we say hypocrite?! Shhh..watch your tongue..I'm pregnant..I can do what I want!

Anywho...in light of all this craziness I'm going to talk about my...ahem..."plan" for this summer!

Well, if all goes right with this pregnancy, I should only be weighing in at about 195lbs when I give birth...I plan to breastfeed...so lets go with the idea that all my pregnancy weight will go away with that and I'll have a starting weight of 180 come June/July sometime...

Soooooo....

SW: 180, GOAL: 140
I graduated high school weighing in at 145 and figure that if at one point in my life I was that size, then I can certainly be there again!! Essentially, it's a first goal..we'll see once I'm there what I can do after that...

As far as what I'll be doing...I have no idea...I do have a plethora of DVD's and VHS laying around my house that are lovely for collecting dust but really just looming over my head right now! I'll probably try to kick it off with some running/jogging so I don't kill myself with this boost...then I would really like to incorporate my "30 Day Shred" and "Envy Girls" DVD's to my daily routine.

Now I must mention, that I TOTALLY suck at keeping motivation if I take days off...so this will have to be a 7-day a week thing for me...

Of course, the food thing will be pretty easy. At one point, when I was married, I lost 20lbs just watching what I ate...I think I can do that again without worry! Just have to train my mind again!

So, alas, there's some tenative thoughts on what my summer will bring! I'm excited...is that okay!?

I feel so humbled...

There's those things in life that just make you sit back, tear up, and realize how insignificant all your worries and frets really are...

I just had one of these moments...I was reading blog by a dear girl I grew up with who is participating in a World Race. She is visiting 11 countries in the next 11 months spreading the word of God and helping those less fortunate...

All I can say is WOW...I'd love to be a part of something so grand...so simple but so grand...

I really can't say too much about it...the website probably explains it all and will really open your eyes if interested:
The World Race

Beyond that, here's Alycia's blog:
Nomad Spirit, Faithful Heart

I can only wish that my life will someday amount to what these people are doing. I've always wanted to impact the world in a tremendous way but it has never presented itself to me..and now I feel sad...that I'll never know how to help...I'll never know what to do for the greater good...ugh, my selfless self is pouring out with no place to go....

It's My Birthday, I'll...well, I'll live it like any other day...if I want to...

Yep, my birthday.....24....24 fricken years...

What do I have to show for it?! Haha...a few experiences...but nothing terribly noteworthy...

And today, well, today is just another day in paradise...

I'm working...from noon til about 5:30pm..then hopping in the car and hoping that we have just enough drops of gas to make it to my parent's house for dinner...after which I'll probably ask to borrow some money regardless of the fact that they've just given me gifts...then we'll drive home and I'll go to get ice cream with a good friend...

Really? That's it!? Okay, it's not that bad...it could be me working a full time job, going home, making dinner, and going to bed...(hmm...maybe next year)

But it certainly isn't like last year...when I got rip-roaring drunk with a group friends...couldn't remember past 10pm...and it turns out had a complete blast!!!

Heck even my 22nd birthday I did the same...I was in Wyoming...got fairly drunk...woke up the next morning STILL drunk...(figures)...and spent the whole next day recovering by watching a Bring It On marathon and eating pizza...

Who decided that the older we get the more boring our birthdays become?! I want to slap that person!!!

Drumroll please!

We had our 2nd trimester ultrasound this morning....

And the long awaited verdict is....

80% (as the tech put it cause it was hard to see) sure it's a.....

GIRL!

Not gonna lie...I'm shocked. I had a gut feeling before that it was going to be a boy but in the last few weeks I've kind of been preparing myself for the true verdict. I didn't want to say anything..nor really tell myself that was going to be true...but my gut was starting to lean toward girl.

I'm not necessarily disappointed...just worried. I never hear positive things about mom's and daughter's...and everyone tells me boys are easier than girls...heck, I don't think kids are going to be easy in any form!!!

So, alas, I'm still getting used to the idea...but a healthy baby is the key! :)

Can I get an AMEN?!

Lord, this blog made me feel like she reached into the depths of my mind and pulled out all the thoughts I've had for the last 5 years...grant her some relief in all her struggles right now...we know she deserves it!!!

Ok, after a bit of a prayer there...you must know what I'm talking about by reading this amazing blog post by Apryl:Hold On To Your #2's Kids, It's Gonna Be a Bumpy Ride


On that note, I'm not really sure what's going on with my head today... I fear that I'm coming down with whatever terrible bug is plaguing my work space and I'm not feeling the least bit productive nor human! I'm groggy...tired...feel like my arms and hands are now 10 feet thick..and I just generally want to cry!!! WTF?!

I think I'll put my head on my desk and sleep now...

WIC-ity WIC...

Well, meeting with WIC went well....it was actually like this whole long orientation with like 10 other girls...we watched a video...watched a slide show...and heard a little, humorous lecture!

Afterwards, I met with my little counselor lady...who was very sweet and kind of spacey but we got me alllllll set up! Welcome to the wonderful world of WIC! THANK GOODNESS!!!

Now, in a month, I have a breastfeeding class...now while I've pretty much read and re-read about all this and know the basics, I'm kind of excited to see what else they can tell me! I hadn't planned on taking any classes of any sort...mainly because I'm too poor to pay for the ones I've found...and not to mention, my dearest Steven knows a ton about this whole baby gig!

Well, Friday is one more day closer...and quite honestly, I'm not scared/nervous about the actual event...but rather what is to follow. Steven hasn't told his ex-wife nor kids that I'm having a baby. He wants to wait so that he can tell the kids that they're having a new baby brother/sister...understandable...but what I'm truly scared about right now is the reactions we'll get from his ex and the kids! I feel like I'm almost overstepping my bounds in way because the whole family thing was theirs.... I don't know...am I just being ridiculous??? Worrying about other people WAY too much!??! I'm good at that...

Thank you doctor!

I love how easy my doctor's appointments are with this baby!!! It really makes my days seem a little happier regardless of the the fact I HATE being pregnant! :)

Today's verdict:

• Blood sugar: 78 (excellent)
• Blood pressure: 100/60 (A+ for me!)
• Weight: Gained back my 3lbs I'd lost plus another 3lbs...bringing my total weight gain to 9lbs (please let me keep it around 15lbs)
• Baby's heart rate: 146 (wive's tale says that's a boy)
• Uterus measurement using the measuring tape: right on target for 20 weeks

AND the best part of the appointment was the scheduling of an ultrasound for Friday!! I'm overly excited about this because we should be able to tell what the gender is...it's about freakin' time!

Well, tomorrow's meeting with WIC had better go well or I'll be pissed! We really need the food supplementation and at this point I really don't see why we wouldn't qualify!! But who knows...everyone and their brother is applying for government assistance these days!

The biggest wrench of today (because, for some reason, I can't just have a generally happy post) is that we woke up with NO WATER! Last time this happened (last week), the pipes froze in the well in my grandma's yard. So, I casually called my dad asking him for some advice and he just called my grandma to have her put the heater back on in there. Well, turns out SHE doesn't have water either!!! WTF?! So, my grandma's boyfriend (yes she has a boyfriend...who might as well be my grandpa since they've been together for more than half my life) called the water people and they're apparently fixing part of the line up the way...Gee..thanks for the warning that today I wouldn't be able to quench my thirst with wonderful water, brush my teeth effectively, take a huge steaming dump in my own toilet, nor shower my already tangled hair! I just called Steven about a half hour ago and we still don't have water...guess it's whatever we can find to microwave or fry for dinner tonight!!! YUMMY....

Simple things make me smile...

That's right...it's the little things in life that really lift my day! I'm not sure why but I love getting big hugs from my boyfriend, eating crunchy peanut butter and candy canes, crying during movies, and singing along to a great song. These little things are examples of what make me ME and really shape my ever changing happiness. Well today, Apryl is guilty of making me SMILE and boosting my mood with her simple, little effort to award me!




She awarded me this:

Now the rules of this award is that I'm to list 10 things about myself and then award this to 7 lovely bloggers! Hmmm....

1. How about the obvious (if you've been an avid reader lately): I'm scared to death about this baby. I have all the instincts kicking in and I'm really happy to be a mom but in the same breath, I don't know how I'm ever going to financially support the child nor how I'm going to be about eating proper meals around my house.
2. I yearn to photograph and travel at some point in my life. A few things hinder this ever pressing dream of mine though. Having a child will hinder the travel portion but will probably actually give me more to photograph. Being as the only true digital cameras I have are on my cell phone and a cheap grocery store version that is quite slow...(albeit I love the thing because Steven got it for me for Christmas)...I'm kind of strapped for a great portfolio to develop.
3. I had a long conversation with a couple friends about a month back and discovered that I have no real, petrifying fears. Things like spiders, snakes, clowns, etc. don't scare me like they do the typical person. I've convinced myself that it's rather irrational but that just makes me seem like a total prick!
4. I sleep every day until at least 10:30am. I might even go to bed at 10 or 11pm and I'll still sleep that long. There are points, many lately, that I wake up and toss for at least an hour around 6am...but I never give in and start my day! I guess I just feel like my days might go by faster if I just sleep...
5. I don't really know how to drive a manual transmission car (stick shift). I've been taught and the fundamentals are in my mind, but every time I've actually tried to do it I just bawl my eyes out and get really upset with myself. So, I've just generally given up on the idea!
6. I work for Coca-Cola. Now, as glamorous as that sounds, it really just sucks. My particular branch has about 60 employees and I see 12 on a regular basis. I sit in a dusty, crap office that is 7 feet by 7 feet and count money...my part time status isn't even supported by health insurance, sick leave, etc. I'm just kind of...here...
7. I fear my child will be the 4th generation through my high school. My grandma (who is now my neighbor and has lived in the same house all but 2 years of her life) went to Eaton, my dad (who grew up in the same house as my grandma) introduced many of my teachers to the Payne family line by having them first, me (who lived a block from my grandma until 2nd grade, moved to the house my parents are in now, and then moved back next door to my grandma on the land that both her and my dad grew up on) graduated in 2004, and now my child (who will spend the first year in said house and then probably move to Eaton where my parents reside now) will be blessed with an Eaton education. Essentially, we're all stuck in a rut...living in the same small towns...avoiding change.
8. I have Chronic Urticaria...aka hives that never go away. It is, thankfully, in remission while I'm pregnant because of the influx of hormones, it kind of cancels out the histamine reactions in my body. All in all though, I have no rhyme nor reason as to why I can just wake up with nothing on my body and be covered in hives a few hours later without changing a darn thing in my life!
9. I went to college at 4 different schools, studying 3 different subjects, and still have no degree to show for it! I started Uni. of Northern Colo studying Elementary Edu, then went abroad to St. Patrick's College in Ireland for Secondary Edu, third to Doane College in Neb for Secondary Edu, and lastly to Aims Community College back here at home for Engineering Tech: Computer Aided Drafting. Whew!!
10. Hmm...one last thing....Oh! How about the fact that I have no drivers license right now. It really wouldn't be quite as bad as it is except that I live 5 miles from work in a totally different town. Steven is my chauffeur...mainly because he isn't working right now...and if he was, it would be my grandma (again, cause she's my neighbor). I am the not so proud owner of a DUI from this past February and I'm still not making enough money to pay for the $70 a month interlock system to put into a car...making matters worse, I really don't know what we'll do once the child is here...if I'm at home and Steven's working...we're pretty much stuck! Ah, tis life!

Okay, now for nominations!!! ***DRUM ROLL PLEASE***

1. Jenn http://exhotgirl.blogspot.com/: She puts no "butter" on her weight loss adventures
2. Marie http://marie-loves.blogspot.com/: Hilariously waltzes through daily activities
3. Jackie http://jaqizoo.blogspot.com/: Only one of my most favorite people for the last ten years...wow time flies!
4. Erica http://myquaintcountrylife.blogspot.com/: Has the BEST country home...
5. Ferni http://thislittlegirldreams.blogspot.com/: Apryl gave her this award too...but she really is -that- great of a blogger!

Alright, going to be honest, I don't have many blogs that I read EVERY day anymore. It used to be many, many more but as my life has changed, so have my reading interests. I've realized how much I care more about the honest day to day stuff rather than who is coming out with the newest eyeshadow! (No offense to you lovely ladies...you're true experts!)

Oh Friday!!!

First off, Apryl-thanks for worrying about me!! :)

The baby has been moving a bit more today! Mainly when I was eating french fries...so I don't think I'm alone in my addiction!! Being as I go to the health department for all my health care needs thus far, I'm not sure I could really get in...and they don't do the ultrasounds there...blah blah blah...

BUT...I got paid today, and I think I'm going to TREAT myself for once and buy a monitor so that I can listen to the baby and then we can turn it around and sing to the baby! :) We'll call it an early b-day present to myself (birthday is the 19th)...sounds good to me!

Speaking of singing to the baby...it's kind of amazing how much movement I can get sometimes when Steven is singing. It's like baby KNOWS...I love it!

Now...for it being a GLORIOUS Friday....it started off a little rough!! Woke up this morning and we didn't have any running water...WTF?! Haha, I know...weird thing to happen...so I called my dad...and he came to check out it. I was joking that my grandma turned off our water...haha..but the lines just froze in the well! Good ole country life! So, we have water now...THANK GOODNESS...it always seems that when you don't have running water you really have to pee, want to take a long shower, and are thirsty beyond belief...all 3 happened to me this morning..figures! :)

Something else that has been turning the gears in my head, is my tattoo I want to get after the baby is born. The three I have are all celtic knotwork and I'd like to stick with that same idea...but I'm not sure...I'm starting lean more toward prettier, more intricate things...SO, here's a couple ideas...and I would appreciate input if you have any!

I don't think I'd have that silly little flower atop...but it's a Celtic Motherhood knot and I'd probably have the kids name somewhere near it.

The cherry blossom's...I like the power that they hold in many cultures, not to mention they're pretty...haha :)

I'd like to do either one on my ribs on the right side...

Good ole Colorado...

Good ole Colorado....after the crazy snowstorm yesterday we're given clear, beautiful, blue skies to stare at today! No wind...only sunshine! It's amazing!!! Granted, its still only 6 degrees Farenheit outside....its still nice!

On another note, I'm not sure if I ought to worry or not, but I haven't felt the baby quite as much the past couple of days. I don't know if I'm just used to the movements now or if something is wrong...I'm kind of worried to the point where I may hit Target tomorrow and buy myself a monitor! :) (I want one anyways)

I must vent about something....last night, we decided to head over to Steven's friend's house to play some poker and just generally hang out. It had been a while since I went over there because I always felt left out or mistreated for being a girl. Well, I bucked up and went for Steven's sake...and I must say, it's nice to be right.

I've always told Steven that they are jerks especially when they drink and he was able to experience that last night even though he himself was rather intoxicated. It being bitter cold means our car is likely to not start well. So, once we were ready to head home (about 2 hours after I initially wanted to) we needed to jump the battery. So, in the sub-freezing cold I was the one standing out there with Steven trying to get our car started while a group of 4 men were sitting upstairs playing Xbox....

Now, I'm not really sure if I'm just being a sissy girl...but in my eyes, I would think AT LEAST one of them could come down and help instead of having the pregnant girlfriend do it all!!! BUT NOPE...they'd rather play some Madden Football...

Needless to say, Steven went upstairs to return the keys for the car we used to jump ours and said, "Thanks for nothing..."

I was happy that it was noticed how ridiculous those people get when alcohol is involved...I don't think I ever got to that point when I was drinking. I was always willing to help people out just as I would when I'm sober...but I guess other people have different priorities...

Horizontal snow??

I was surprised to read on a friend's Facebook status last night that we were to get some snow. Now, this surprise shouldn't be well...a surprise...because I don't have television and am not graced with the nightly weather report. Rather, we have to look it up on my phone on the internet! So, once I read said status, I checked it out online and low and behold...SNOW! ALLLLLL DAY! And what is it doing?! HA, you guessed it...SNOWING...horizontally....

Every time I look out my little window to see, we seem to be getting bigger flakes..and it appears to be flying due south in a very harsh horizontal way! Glad I'm inside!

Beyond that, I must admit today is a much better day than I've been recently having. I don't feel like a total "bleck" mess and I actually feel kind of like a "cute pregnant lady"! Haha...

I'm currently trying to figure out my new digital camera I got from Steven so that I can take a belly pic and show y'all....but I'm a little lost..haha!

Ok..FIGURED IT OUT! :)

So, here's for comparison's sake:

I wish I could have gotten the picture a little lower so that you could see where the belly curves in...but that'll do! :)

Welcome to the year of change...

2010...

Hmm...who would have thought...ten years ago we were all freaking out about things crashing and us not surviving a technology meltdown! I'm glad I never dug into that hype (granted I was only 13 years old) because now I'm here living through the computer most days and feeling much better about life because I'm able to BLOG!

So, to positively kick off my bloggerhood of 2010...let me just say THANK YOU to my wonderful followers...without your comments and your faithfulness, I would be devoid of blogging in my life!

Okay, now...as I'm nearing the halfway point of this dreadful (sorry) pregnancy...I'm feeling a little better just counting down the days. I hate to be like this, but really, it sucks! Apryl put it best...I'm invaded...totally invaded... BUT, in the end, when I'm holding a precious little child that will carry on my being for years to come...I think I'll be okay!

I have my next doc's appointment on the 12th and hopefully we'll schedule an ultrasound for then and be able to find out the gender! I have a sneaking suspicion that it's a boy..but I really don't want to bank on that because well, you never know!!! So, lets just leave ya with this: Poor little one is squished in there!!!