Why I can't seem to do things for myself...

So, my plan before involved living with Lori..and if I don't, then she has to figure out what she's going to do for next year and her living situation. This makes me feel like a complete a** and I just want to say "screw what I want" and move up there anyway!

For some reason, that's the way my mind works. I do everything for everyone else and forget what I need and what I want...

I want to go to school...
I want to move away...
I want to be with people that love me...

But where are they??? Where are my friends?? Where is my calling for school???

I haven't a clue...

Part of me wants to teach..but part of me just wants to work my tail off for the rest of my life...

The whole problem is in today's society everyone pretty much needs a college degree anymore. But why just waste the money and go to school without getting something that is applicable to the rest of life??? I'd love to study English....teaching...philosophy...but where would I really use those majors??? I understand the whole thought process of having a major in something counts...but at the same time, why be bored and have no motivation while going to school just so you have a piece of paper that isn't going to matter to you?! Seems like an awful waste of money....

On top of all that, being married and divorced once in my life already really throws a wrench into things. I want more than anything to have some sort of future. The sad part is, I'm not sure that I'll ever get married again. I'm not sure that I want to. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life..but that sort of self-assurance and unattachment can seem pretty appealing as well. My dad and I talked about that last night as well. We have a few family friends that have either been married and divorced or never married..and they're able to use their money for themselves and do whatever it is they want.

I don't know...I feel like this is all pointless again....

I think I'm just going to work my tail off and save money and move somewhere....Start life over...Become the crazy cat lady...