Wow...

So, over the last two days I've had rollercoaster of emotions revolving around the future of my family.

Events unfolded that almost ended in Steven moving out.

We made a plan instead. I came up with some boundaries that would be feasible for us both to follow and we're going to really work on this!

I love this man soooo much! I can't imagine my life without him. In fact, for the past two days I've been an anxious, depressed mess just thinking about it! Not good folks! I think the cortisol has really kicked in! BOO!

Alas, time will only tell how things will really turn out...but until then: WOW...what a crazy 2 days!

Tuesday Torture!

Okay so it's not really torture anymore! :)

Last week's weight: 191
This week: 189

Who's excited?! I'm excited!!!

Last night, Steven worked and Keque went to the bar to watch the football game. So, I had the house to myself. Well, with Marlee of course but she was sleeping. So, I popped in a workout DVD and sweated my butt off for 60 minutes doing The Biggest Loser Workout 2.

Another point to note: I'm only 4lbs from my Halloween goal of 185 and I still have like 4 weeks to do it! That means, hopefully, I'll be surpassing it! Which would make everything so much easier and much more exciting! Haha

In other news, Keque was unable to get a license here in Colorado because California still has a hold on his from his DUI 3 years ago. So, he's leaving on Tuesday, moving home, and finishing all his classes and paying his fine. I can't say I'm disappointed he's leaving. I'm ready to have my family back. But in the same breath, I know Steven will miss him and he was like a live-in babysitter...which kind of helped sometimes! Now, the next time he comes back, he'll probably just drive all his stuff and do it the right way! Thank goodness!!!

I'd be lying if I said I'm not going to miss him...

That being said, I'm going to chow down some cucumbers and a tuna sandwich and be on my way! :)

Happy Torture-less Tuesday!

Maybe someday...

Today was Steven's second court hearing for his DUI. We got yet another continuation so that we can get an attorney. Now we're still on a waiting game...

Next week is his hearing with the DMV though and I'm hoping that does go well. As in, he gets a restricted license. If he doesn't, then I'm really not sure what we'll do! I guess we'll figure it out at that point!

I'm thinking I need a "mommy day" one of these days! I really love having Marlee with me (she could come with me) but I'm super tired of being with the boys all the time! It gets super old just watching movies, playing poker, and playing Wii. It's time for me to go shopping (or at least window shopping), get a coffee, sit in the bookstore for hours, etc.

*sigh* That does sound like the perfect day...I could even sit in the children's section of the bookstore and read Marlee books!

Maybe someday...

Photography Blog...

I'm going to start doing sessions with some people I know to develop my photography.

In the meantime, I've created a blog that will strictly hold photos from the shoots I do. Currently, it has some that I have taken over the past few months.

Check it out!

Kendra Payne Photography

Checkin' In...

Well, folks! I finally have a good report to give you! I'm down 2 lbs! 191!!! I know, it's a tiny, little bit compared to the rest of my goal (and what I should weigh...darn being short) but it's a start, and I'm excited!

I've been tracking my food on an Excel Spreadsheet. I like this much better because I can keep it to myself as much as I want...and I don't have to log into anything! haha (Maybe I'm just lazy...)

I've drafted some small goals. They seem doable...and I'm really not afraid to NOT meet them...but it sure would be nice to finally meet a goal! Soooo...here's my idea:

185 by Halloween
179 by Thanksgiving
170 by Christmas
168 by New Years

That will give me a 25lb loss before the new year...sounds awesome to me! :)

Some more good news on the homefront, Steven has a job!!! YAY!!! He is doing security at a club/bar. It's part-time technically and minimum wage...but it's more money than what we had! Plus, it'll get him out of the house and give him his alone time that he is desparately needing!

Now...if the good things trend can continue to happen and we can get him a restricted license on the 29th when he goes to talk with the DMV...that would be awesome! One thing at a time, I guess...

Evaluations...

While catching up after the weekend on the blogs I subscribe to, I read this one today: How in the hell do I... and decided that I need to think about these things too! (By the way, check out this girls blog and look for her photography cause she's awesome!)

It's time for me to do things that really make me happy. Stop making others happy first and foremost! Heck, be selfish for once Kendra!

Recently, my happiest moment was taking a short (seriously, like 5 minutes) walk on Sunday morning. It was just Steven, Marlee, me, and Hercules. We watched as Hercules bounced around with a softball in his mouth and Marlee squinted at the sunshine when it whizzed past my head and into her face. Steven reached over and put his arm around me in an embrace I always cherish. We walked the "long" way around the lot in order to prolong our walk and just enjoy the warmth of the day.

I like simple...I like family...

Along with that, I used to really enjoy my job. It's easy, it's part time but pays well, and it's flexible if anything happens. But it's also boring, redundant, and lately been utterly "high school".

I always hint at photography...I think it would make me happier...

I loved school...I would love to go back...

I love culture...I would love to live somewhere that I could get a taste of real life...not just my country living I've had for 24 years now. (Save a couple tastes of life else where for approximately 6 months)

What makes you happy?

Words Aren't Needed...