I think it's okay to admit this openly...just know that I'm thoroughly scared...
A couple evenings back something snapped in me. It's not the first time it's happened. In fact, I've been going through spells since I was 16 years old. But this time, it all came crashing down on the person that didn't deserve it one bit.
Somewhere in my mind things get mixed up. Sparks fly to the wrong recepters and bombs start to go off. When these bombs go off in my head, they transfer all their aftershocks to my heart and things start to tremble there.
In my heart, things start to break...walls have to be built quickly to make this all calm down.
At such points, I find myself literally going from screaming mad to hysteria within moments. This isn't normal...at all...
My only solace is to curl up in the bottom of the bathtub with my hands over my ears, tight. This blocks out everything but my breathing and then I can calm myself.
Unfortunately, it doesn't always work. That's when I need him. I need that warm embrace...that calm heartbeat next to my ear...
I've never once understood what really makes these sparks get confused in my head. But I do know that I should probably get some help with them before it all goes too far someday...
Some like to say insanity is an artform...well, I sure hope it is...cause I'm Van Gogh damnit!
No comments:
Post a Comment